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as the world turns..
as the world turns.. avatar

by on Mar.07, 2011, under music i like, ramblings

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoxUiqUpkw4

i have been wanting to find music similar to telefon tel aviv for a little while now, admittedly i didn’t ever look really hard but i decided to tonight, and i think i’ve found a few. it may help that telefon remixed the artists, and they’re not quite telefon tel aviv, but if everyone made music exactly the same then there would be no point in any of that would there? the above artist is moderat (modselector and apparat), the other artists i’ve just enjoyed on youtube are nitrada and apparat.

also, i read something strangely beautiful today, although it was about a somewhat taboo subject, but this is how it went

The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flame yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don‘t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

it was written by author david foster wallace in his book infinite jest– unfortunately he committed suicide himself a few years later in 2008. after reading more about this immensely talented man, the more i want to read his books, so i’ll have to be on the look out.

meanwhile, in the strangeness that is my head, i am thinking, as always. a few minutes ago, i remembered how mum told me that i was ‘of that age’ where you need to try figure yourself out, transition from one group of friends to another, figure out what makes me happy and so on and so forth. i just wish i was in my old room, in melbourne. the house that kip and i moved in toghether, then i was there by myself, and then leash moved in to help with rent. either way it was my room.. and its the place i have felt like i was home the most, which is strange, because i was miles away from my family and i only have 2 or 3 of the same friends from back then. i sometimes wish i was in the same state of mind. not the end, not before i left. when i spoke to hot girls on the phone lying in my bed with the polar bear sheets my mum sent me one year, a short walk from an awesome pizza shop and a funky laundrette, where the leaves fell from the trees in the winter and the sun stayed up until 9pm in the summer. when i had an emotion other than ‘meh’. when i was happy.

i’d like to get out of it. this meh.

 

before i go, the above quote is entirely unrelated. i’m far to meh to even bother with anything so stupid, so dont get yourself all worried.


3 Comments for this entry

  • leash

    i didn’t just move in to pay rent we had awesome fun for the whole what 2 months before you left me 🙁 its funny but coz i remember telling mum out of all the places i have lived, this place was the one that felt like home and where i belonged… if we could go back there you could so have your old room back i was happy with the other room i miss coming home and sneaking or attempting to sneak in and then coming in to jump on you and tell you about my adventures of the night lol good times lets move back to Brunswick 🙂

  • Panther

    your poster looks like trav!

    the end.

  • Panther

    I’d like to read those books too!

    I wish i had some magical answers but i don’t –

    all i know is we’ve got each other, whether you want to go back to melb or not!

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