I have decided that my future is to breed fat children in Dubai
I have decided that my future is to breed fat children in Dubai avatar

by on Nov.19, 2014, under ramblings

So according to this news article there is a competition in Dubai that for every kilogram your child loses, you get a gram of gold.


My Grandad always said I was going to come up with a great idea and become a rich man one day and I think that this here is my idea of ideas!

I think my plan of attack will be to accept donations of multiple children, I don’t think I could subject my own offspring to the fattening as I feel bad enough that Takkun is a bit of a porker at times. Once I receive a donation of a small child, I’ll feed them on a rich diet of duck fat and pork belly and the ultimate single hit of calories – the KFC double.


While I’m porking up my golden goose I’ll get them addicted to video games.. Once the competition begins I’ll rig up a big running wheel or treadmill which will power the television, I’ll put little lard arse on  said treadmill and with a carefully calculated concoction of methamphetamine and laxatives I’ll have the kilos off in no time.

If I can get a kid up to 100kg and back down to 50kg again that’s 50g of gold which equates to a cool $2200 at that rate, I’ll only need 454.5 children to become a millionaire, not taking into account the cost of KFC and meth.

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